People are really mad at a Star Wars convention in Manchester, England, which, frankly, is brilliant. If you do not enjoy grown adults being furious at corporate accounts because they didn't get to meet Greedo in a warehouse one Saturday then sorry, you have insufficient joy in your heart. So look at this, from the Facebook page for three-day fan-created unofficial Star Wars convention "For the Love of the Force," and let your soul sing high notes from a roof above the city. Look at the state of these:
"Not a cock pit in sight." Photo via Facebook
"Think my bottom hit the chair for 5 seconds." Photo via Facebook
Photo via Facebook
"Ewok village should of been free." Photo via Facebook
The main complains seem to be about the VIP tickets—that fans paid £60+ ($90+) to meet Greedo, eat a bleak pie, get a photo with an actor, and go to an Ewok village that only had two huts in it, and then when they went outside threatening-looking children had stolen their hubcaps, a heartwarming Manchester tradition—but fundamentally they are mad that Star Wars isn't real. "Only complaint was paying £9 all-in Star Wars experience? Do you expect to have a go on a functioning jetpack? Do you expect to go into space? Do you think the Force is real?
We love complaining about things because we all have such arrogance that we expect perfection: when we go to a warehouse in Manchester and pay kids with their hair shaven off due to lice a fiver to not fuck with the the Citroen, we somehow literally expect to walk into Naboo and have R2-D2 greet us with a hologram when, instead, it's just seasonal-work actors in off-brand Jedi outfits and full Manc accents saying "EY UP THERE'S A RIGHT MITHER UP IN'T ENDOR GET THA SEN DOWN THERE WI' ONE OF THEM SLIGHTLY BATTERED PROP LIGHTSABERS." Once you pass the age of about 12, nothing is ever magical again, and every attempt to chase it is just going to leave you poorer, hollowly disappointed, and more furious. Anyway: life is hard and Star Wars is not real. Anything above $8 is fundamentally too much for a Wookie burger.
Follow Joel Golby on Twitter.
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