Hello you,
I've been eating frozen chicken nuggets for this g'damn review column, and the gurgling heartburn I've experienced over the last few days has led me to chomp Tums like they were as tasty and plentiful as the nuggets that caused my stomach acids to go into overdrive.
Chicken nuggets were invented by a Cornell professor in 1950. Mcdonalds had Tyson Foods create their McNuggets in 1979. Chicken nuggets are made by grinding up all the inedible parts of the chicken into a slurry, and then breading them to disguise the grossness. Chicken nuggets are primarily chicken fat unless you're getting the fancy stuff. Now that I've paraphrased Wikipedia's article on chicken nuggets, here are reviews of four things I shouldn't have eaten but did.
Banquet - Chicken Nuggets with Mac & Cheese
Although chicken nuggets should always be baked, I microwaved these because waiting 20 minutes to eat six chicken nuggets is a poor return for that level of time investment.
The chicken nuggets were fine microwaved. They were not great, but they were better than starving. The microwavable mac and cheese had the consistency of runny mucous, though.
I wasn't able to finish eating this and I wouldn't eat it again.
GRADE: C-
Applegate Naturals - Chicken Nuggets
The box houses approximately 12 nuggets, and they were all great. The first was great, the second was great, the third was great, and so on. Bread crumbs on the outside, chickens on the inside. Ketchup and Frank's Red Hot for dips.
In other words, these were high quality basic nugs. As with most breaded frozen foods that you cook in the oven, I recommend giving them an additional five minutes to whatever the instructions recommend.
I would eat these again.
Grade: A
Perdue - Chicken Breast Nuggets
There are some days when nothing less than 29 ounces of chicken nuggets will do, and the day I ate these was one of those days.
These were good. Anything you bread and bake will be great. The problem with a lot of fish sticks and chicken nuggets is that they tell you to cook them for two-thirds of the time needed in order for them to become crunchy. Why would these companies tell you to undercook fish and chicken things whose main appeal is their crunchiness? The massive bag tells you to cook them for 11 minutes, but they took 20 to lose their sogginess.
That being said, I would also eat these again.
GRADE: A
Tyson - Chicken Nuggets
I cooked these for the correct amount of time, and got 19 little chicken-flavored sponges when I took them out of the oven. Some people assume I don't eat all of the frozen meals I review, but sadly I typically eat the whole thing. Not this time though.
I only ate ten before the self-loathing made me stop. If I'd given them an extra five minutes to cook these probably would have been great. Always err on the side of over-baking breaded foods.
I didn't finish eating this, and wouldn't eat it again.
GRADE: D
That's it for this week. Check back next week to see what I've punished or blessed my body with. In the meanwhile, you can see more things on my Instagram. Happy eating everybody!
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