First dates are unnerving. They're stressful and straight-up scary. Generally, we worry about saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and fucking everything up. And we're so caught up in our own first-date anxiety that when the other person says something weird or outright terrible, it takes a little extra effort to process. At one point in my life, I was dating aggressively, scoping out various online dating services for eligible bachelors that fit my list of requirements. Most of my dates fell somewhere in the "meh" range—not exactly bad but nowhere near the kind of memorable experience that would justify a second outing or even a post-date text. Typically, I'd be bored, creeped out, or otherwise disinterested in the man sitting across from me, especially after some particular exchange that left me pretty speechless.
Once, after my date told me he usually writes off his romantic outings as business expenses, I didn't think it could get much worse. I was quite wrong.
"Hey, do you think you could ever give up sweets?" he asked, watching me basically inhale my brownie sundae. "What?" I asked, with a half-giggle. "Why the hell would I do that?"
He sighed. "It's just that you'd be so much sexier if you lost weight. You're just pretty right now." I lowered my spoon and stared directly at him for a few moments. "Did I say something wrong?" he asked. I smiled and reached for the closest server. "Hi. Can we get the bills please? Separately." What the fuck else was I supposed to say? For an interaction where people are so concerned about making a good first impression, it always surprises me what some think passes as acceptable conversation or commentary.
I knew I couldn't be the only one with shitty stories to share.
The worst thing you've heard on a first date?
After she came 30 minutes late and asked hostile questions for the first 30 minutes of the date, she turned to me and said, "So I paid for this drink and that's not OK. You're lucky I'm still here, but I'm definitely going to leave once I'm done this unless you get me another one. And you have to drink something other than Heineken. That's not a real drink people drink, that's just something people drink if they don't know what to drink."
And after?
I got another drink and proceeded to get verbally abused for the rest of the night.
- Mike, Toronto
The worst thing you've heard on a first date?
So, drunk me went to a club, made out with a random, and apparently gave him my number. I agree to go out with him, and we get on the topic of different diets, and he starts telling me how he was a raw vegan for a while. "Yeah, when I went raw, I became so horny. I was horny all the time because the sexual energy was just constantly flowing through my body. I had to release myself all the time." He later told me he was 44, and when I told him I was 21 , he yells, "Oh my God, you're 21? ARE YOU A VIRGIN?"
And after?
We shared an awkward car ride after he refused to "make" me take the subway. It ended with me half-hugging him, thanking him for the meal and jumping out.
- Vanessa, Toronto
Related: Watch our documentary on dating in the age of the internet, 'Mobile Love Industries'
The worst thing you've heard on a first date?
The guy I was out with was "really happy we could get together, even't though I wasn't "physically his type." He wanted something "less model-like" to try in bed.
And after?
I went "to the washroom," ordered mozzaerlla sticks to go and a round of beers for the nearest table to the bar, and put it on his bill. Then I left.
- Alexandra Morinello, Toronto
The worst thing you've heard on a first date?
"Why's your wallet so thin?"
And after?
I paid for my portion of the meal and dipped, leaving her to pay the rest.
- Wize, Brooklyn
The worst thing you've heard on a first date?
The date itself was fantastic. He did everything right, and I was really impressed. But then he mentioned his Soundcloud link and how when he went to follow me on Instagram he noticed who ELSE followed me. I already knew where this was going, but I wanted to see if he really had the balls to get so outta pocket. He did. Few moments later, he was asking me for the "6ix God's contact"
And after?
I cut him off and asked what time it was, fake yawned, and abruptly left. I blocked his number and haven't spoke to him since.
- Jamz, Toronto
The worst thing you've heard on a first date?
After telling a man my family is from Guyana, he told me he heard all the women of Guyana have... and he began to make a vagina shape with his hands. I asked "what are you trying to say?" And he said, "You know fat," and he made the hand motion again as in "fat vagina." Then he smiled and said he would love to see it.
The thing you did right after?
I finished my drink and told him he was going to marry a woman who will probably poison him after one year and one child, and I thought that it was highly unfortunate that his future looked so grim. He attempted to awkwardly explain himself and his comment, and then serendipitously enough, his wallet happened to drop on the floor while he was frantically trying to "apologize." So I did what anyone would do. I stole $100 from his wallet when he wasn't looking, then pretended I had a family emergency, bought a slushy, and caught the bus home.
- Alicia Bunyan-Sampson, Pickering
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