Potential sources of existential dread lurk around every corner on the internet. One moment you could be dancing with cyber goths, the next getting screamed at, the next narrowly avoiding being hit by a train. You could probably use some help navigating. Especially if you're high. Previously, we've compiled the best movies and tv shows on Netflix to watch when you're stoned—and even what to watch when you're tripping balls. No Netflix? No problem: Here’s a list of the best videos on YouTube to watch when you’re stoned.
Alantutorial
No one really knew who “alantutorial” was when the first video, how to leak on a piece of paper, appeared in 2011. It’s still not completely clear whether its underground success was even intentional; what we do know is that artist Alan Resnick’s 65-video creepypasta-meets- series centers around an obsessive young man, played by Resnick, who may or may not have been kidnapped and forced to make tutorials. Although alantutorial’s transmissions concluded in 2014, as with Resnick’s other works (Unedited Footage of a Bear, This House Has People In It) people are still looking for answers.
AlmazanKitchen
One of the strangest phenomenons of the internet age involves a networked “return to nature” that’s facilitated by technology. Basically for every 1,000 people hunched over an overheating laptop, one or two go into the woods with camera gear and advocate that we “turn back to main ingredients that have been neglected, such as fire, different biosystems of microbial cultures, [and] ancient techniques of food preparation.” Basically this is that as a cooking channel with ASMR triggers.
Chicken Connoisseur
You could say this YouTube review show for London’s fried chicken spots has a host who is also a debonair sneaker enthusiast, or you could say “The Chicken Connoisseur is a food critic for mandem who care to know what the finest chicken restaurants in London are and where to find them. And a crep fiend too." It would mean the same thing, basically. A hybrid food, travel, style show couched in a sociological study, it’s everything you want.
Colin Furze
Every era needs its own science guy; the YouTube generation’s Bill Nye is a British former plumber in Etnies and an Office Space short sleeve with the power to build a fucking hoverbike.
David Firth
I was in middle school when I first discovered Salad Fingers during the same pre-problematic early internet video show-and-tell that also included The Super Bowl is Gay, Rejected Cartoons, and Fredryk Phox. British animator, artist, and musician David Firth is an unsung hero of grisly, nihilistic art-comedy in a world where David Lynch is all enlightened now or something. See also: Burnt Face Man, The News Hasn’t Happened Yet, The World Within a Sock.
EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!
The internet’s closest approximation to a clip show, the EVERYTHINGlSTERRIBLE channel collects lost and forgotten children’s tv, PSAs, and employee training videos, all edited and decontextualized in a way that definitively shows why we, not octopi, are the weirdest species.
The Existential Horror of Logan Paul
Critical theory, even if contradicts your #posigoals for 2018, is the only compass for navigating the post-ironic, post-meme landscape terrorized by Grusk and Lil Tay. Here, YouTuber Big Joel unpacks the meta-phenomenon that is Logan Paul in an elegant video essay that also serves as a masterclass in avoiding ad hominem attacks. If I could wish one vlog into existence, it would be Logan Paul’s reaction/reply to The Existential Horror of Logan Paul. My guess is it would be something like Jude Law’s breakdown in I Heart Huckabees.
Every Spongebob Time Cards
Nothing in SpongeBob Squarepants is anchored by any sense of reality whatsoever, so the consistently inconsistent appearances of the show's Jacques Cousteau-inspired narrator are a treat for fans whenever they occur. If you're really stoned, check out the moment at 4:45, where things get extra fourth-wall breaking.
La Blogothèque’s A Take Away Show
A throwback to the DIY days of DV cameras, French filmmaker Vincent Moon’s live performance series captures hipster music at its most adoring. Highlights include Beirut on the sidewalk, The Dø outdørs, and Grizzly Bear in a bathtub.
lofi hip hop radio - beats to relax/study to
Noisey Italy called this online radio phenomenon the “appropriate soundtrack for a paralyzed generation,” and I think they’re right: this 24/7 music station is tailor-made for people who have seen through Netflix’s illusion of choice and just want someone else to choose the songs.
Primitive Technology
Did you know that you can turn snail shells into a solid brick of lime using fire, water, and some clay pots? Queensland, Australia’s John Plant does. When the lights finally go out, he’ll be the guy to find.
Red Bull extreme sports videos
So what if Red Bull is mining subculture while floating corruption to sell an energy drink that increases some people’s risk of a heart attack? There’s nothing cooler to watch than a well-shot extreme sports video, and Red Bull is a wellspring of them.
SSION videos
So there’s this artist guy from Lewisport, Kentucky, Cody Critcheloe, whose queercore savior alter ego, SSION, is going to become the most-important thing in pop with the release of his new album, O, this Friday. On the internet, you can find work from Critcheloe dating back to the early 2000s that’s as good or better than most of the art and music coming out today. He’s also one of the most talented young directors around.
Vine compilations
A globalist Parent Teacher Association has to be responsible for the fact that the internet’s best short video platform isn’t coming back anytime soon, otherwise there’s no reason hyper-popular videos like RIP vine compilation, vines that cured my depression, and vines that cared for me when no one else did would be the ruins of a bygone era.
Will It Blend?
The answer is always yes. PS: Don’t breathe this!
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