via This article originally appeared on VICE UK
Banner month for people shoving drugs up their nastiest bits to hide them from the police. Banner, banner month. A reminder: we recently learned of a man in Swindon who shoved seven grams of cocaine up his dick (up his dick!), presumably in that dark crevice between the foreskin and the meat. But still I don't understand precisely how—I mean, seven grams! Seven fucking grams! Up your dick! And now, to Liverpool, where they are shoving Kinder Eggs full of heroin up their asses for fun and for profit:
A drug smuggler who stashed heroin-filled Kinder Eggs up his bum is an "academically-gifted" former grammar schoolboy.
Sean Kenny was jailed for four years after leading a plot to carry drugs worth thousands of pounds down to Plymouth.
His sentence showcases the audacious Mossley Hill criminal's stunning fall from a talented schoolboy to Liverpool's latest drugs mule.
Kenny faces a stint behind bars after being caught at Plymouth rail station along with his "naive" brother James - who he manipulated into helping him.
The pair were found to be in possession of nearly £25,000 of heroin and cannabis placed inside Kinder Egg capsules and stashed in their bottoms. (via)
Yes I have some questions, officer:
i. What kind of dude has £25,000 worth of drugs is a pretty decent amount of drugs, by volume! That is a lot of drugs to put in your anus! That's.... that's quite a lot of heroin to have up your ass! How you walking, my boy?
I suppose we've all learned a lot this week, specifically about the smuggling of drugs from one place to another. Sit with me and hold my hand and let's review our findings: shoving 7.2 grams of cocaine up your dick? Bad. Shoving £25,000 of smack up your lentil? An inadvisable idea. If you want to smuggle drugs into Glastonbury or whatever—that's the only time you really let go, these days, isn't it, what with the triathlon coming up and trying to get your head down at work, they say if you do overtime for six more months then in a couple years you could make it up to partner level, that's how Lewis got started and look at him now, plus you're saving up for a flat, also, so no gak, thanks, and you've sort of been on a healthy kick lately haven't you, lots of juice and juicing and prunes, so it's not really worth a big weekend now, just sweating and crunching your teeth and feeling bad all Sunday, you'd rather go for a run, wouldn't you, same high!—but yeah just shove it in your sock or fold it into a loaf of bread like everyone else.
Again, to reiterate, in case you need it: don't fill a Kinder Egg capsule with smack and bang it up your asshole. Thank you for your time.
Follow Joel on Twitter.
from VICE http://ift.tt/2aYNQWP
via cheap web hosting
No comments:
Post a Comment